Wednesday, December 31, 2008

WICKING DISAPPEARANCE DEEPENS

A new theory has been advanced to explain the strange disappearance of cartoonist Wicking, at first attributed to abduction by spacemen . It now seems he could have been reduced to a greasespot by a Triffid , an alien plant which sucks out the brains of Homo sapiens as easily as sipping soda through a straw.

One of Wicking’s neighbours, Fatty Arbuckle, this morning told Little Darwin the gifted cartoonist bought a weird Christmas tree from the Rapid Creek Sunday market. The dodgy vendor,Chevy Chase, told him it had fallen off the back of an intergalactic space shuttle.
Wicking fell for the cock and bull story, paid through the nose for the tree, and brought it home. It immediately ate all the cats and the garden gnomes, the postman and his bike disappeared and four Mormons are missing in action. Scared neighbours took up a petition to have the Christmas tree napalmed by the Darwin City Council before the Chinese New Year.
The Triffid became annoyed by hoons roaring up and down the street and while it was able to easily crush their cars , to the delight of the community, it was a waste of time attempting to suck out the drivers’ brains because the brain boxes were already empty. As a result , the Triffid became anaemic and had to visit the Palmerston after hours clinic for vitamin injections each night. Its visits immediately cleared the waiting room , causing the halt and the lame to sprint like Fine Cotton. The brave weed killer from Arnhem Nursery , with noisy , wonky kneecaps, was called in to deal with the horrendous Triffid, but he has also disappeared and is believed buried in a Humpty Doo compost heap.