Once again, Little Darwin’s hyper-active sports department, its members regularly tested for substance abuse, can reveal an astonishing scoop about Australia’s secret new human fish who will dominate the next Olympics.
He is Bill Leak, the gifted Australian newspaper cartoonist, artist, parrot fancier , dog lover and now life member of the famed limp fallers’ club. After his recent stint in hospital following his nasty fall on his head , Leak has more lumps on his cranium than a humpback whale. And recent scientific tests have shown that whale lumps, rather than impeding progress through water, actually accelerate progress.
Furthermore, it has also been discovered that these same whale- like bumps on planes reduce the fuel bill by as much as 35 per cent - which will make airline companies very reluctant to reduce fares. Anyway , let’s get back to Bill’s bumps , as the actress said to the phrenologist.
In secret trials , Leak has been dragged behind a Manly ferry and performed like another show off Flipper . He frequently surfed ahead of the ferry and reached the destination in time to push the ramp into position for passengers to alight . Swimming Australia, planning ahead for the British Olympics , believes Leak is capable of rewriting the world’s swimming record books due to his bumps. There are, however, two major problems: his bumps could subside to mere pimples and the Japanese whaling fleet could harpoon him as part of their bogus scientific study of dogfood.
He is Bill Leak, the gifted Australian newspaper cartoonist, artist, parrot fancier , dog lover and now life member of the famed limp fallers’ club. After his recent stint in hospital following his nasty fall on his head , Leak has more lumps on his cranium than a humpback whale. And recent scientific tests have shown that whale lumps, rather than impeding progress through water, actually accelerate progress.
Furthermore, it has also been discovered that these same whale- like bumps on planes reduce the fuel bill by as much as 35 per cent - which will make airline companies very reluctant to reduce fares. Anyway , let’s get back to Bill’s bumps , as the actress said to the phrenologist.
In secret trials , Leak has been dragged behind a Manly ferry and performed like another show off Flipper . He frequently surfed ahead of the ferry and reached the destination in time to push the ramp into position for passengers to alight . Swimming Australia, planning ahead for the British Olympics , believes Leak is capable of rewriting the world’s swimming record books due to his bumps. There are, however, two major problems: his bumps could subside to mere pimples and the Japanese whaling fleet could harpoon him as part of their bogus scientific study of dogfood.
To make sure Leak retains his bumps, he will be regularly battered with a piece of four by two by his mate , John Singleton . The Australian Navy has been instructed to blow Japanese whalers out of the water if they come within 100kms of leak’s bathtub. A noisy Collins class sub will also shadow the whaling fleet in Antarctica and cause all sea life to flee and take shelter off Bondi . Dawn Fraser, who had a nasty collision with a midget submarine manned by Australian swimming officials some decades ago, is helping train Leak . This morning she told Little Darwin she will do something unusual with a Japanese flag if the whalers harm or impede lumpy Leak during training in the open sea . Naturally, this breathtaking report will win another Walkley Award for Little Darwin and bring a takeover bid from Singleton who knows a hotshot outfit when he sees one.
