Thursday, February 26, 2009

CLP APES MING THE MAGNIFICENT

Territory Country Liberals are going through another fashion change. As from April 1 they will wear double-breasted suits like those worn by the Liberal Party idol , Sir Robert Menzies, also known as Ming the Merciless and “Pig Iron ” Bob .

Double- breasted suits are the ideal bag of fruit for the tropics, inducing prickly heat, carbuncles, shortness of breath and low semen count, which is not all that bad as it will stop conservatives breeding like long- eared New Zealand lapins.

Sir Robert was a classy dresser . Sporting a starched white dicky , he caused our gracious young sovereign to blush when he told her that because of her royal plumage he would remember her until the day they put his ashes in an urn and kept it locked up in a safe. Continuing as a celebrated Australian leader of fashion, he took on the important post of Keeper of the Cinque Ports. As everybody knows, Tories like sinking port, followed by scotch, champers and several Darwin stubbies. If this results in an upper class chunder, drycleaning will restore your suit to its glory.

Sir Robert had the slick manner of the head of a bespoke gentlemen’s clothing salon. In parliament it was said that he had lost touch with the common man in the street. Flicking a speck of dust from his immaculate , double- breasted , sombre suit, he denied this lefty claim. Just the other day , he had been in a car at a set of traffic lights when a truck pulled up alongside, and the driver had called out, “ Good on you, Bob !”

Rowdy Labor member Eddie Ward scoffed, and replied, “ That man should have been arrested for drunken driving!” Menzies reportedly laughed at this uncouth working class joke.