Wednesday, February 18, 2009

CRAZY CLOBBER FOR COUNTRY LIBS

Little Darwin can reveal the Country Liberals are about to strut the cat and dog walks of Darwin in new stunning suits. Persil white in colour and made from durable canvas , they are worn back to front and have exceptionally long sleeves which enable wearers to drag their knuckles on the ground without getting blisters.

These same long sleeves can be gathered at the back and tied with brass buckles, thus immobilizing the wearer and making it easy to place the pollie in a padded cell. Trussed up in bondage fashion, the pollie can then undergo shock treatment : listening to never ending Legislative Assembly debates about the fabulous Territory lifestyle. Even with his hands tied behind his back , one member is expected to engage in lengthy FaceBook chats using his nose and tongue to punch the keys.

Southern advisers from the Liberal Party’s flirty tricks department have told the Country Party that Territorians are suckers for people who dress like door to door encyclopedia salesmen of yesteryear.

The Legislative Assembly bouncer, Madame Speaker , Jane Aagaard, will wear extremely dark glasses to prevent herself being blinded by the Opposition members in their dazzling new zoot suits, all looking like the gaudily- garbed American wrestler, Gorgeous George , who sprayed the ring with Chanel No. 5 before head - butting , kneeing and gouging opponents.