Friday, February 6, 2009

NO HOGWASH AFTER CAR WASH

The eager new Health Minister , Kon Vatskalis , will be put through a car wash-like cricketer Andrew Symonds- before he is allowed to enter the Royal Darwin Hospital. Health Department germ control honchos were horrified to hear the minister tell Stateline he is prepared to get his hands dirty in his new portfolio. Dirty digits can lead to the spread of golden staph , carbuncles, teenage acne , salmonella , warts, welts and Pauline H******’s Disease.

After emerging from the car wash wrapped in a towel souvenired from the Australia movie set , a recycled hospital toothbrush in his gob , the shiny new minister will be ready to tackle the Health Department which caused the previous minister third degree burns to most of his body.

Little Darwin can reveal that the scrubbed up new minister will order a dramatic change to bland hospital tucker. Wholesome Greek Glendi –type food such as souvlaki , dolmades and calamari will be provided. In welcome news for nurses, they will be allowed to blow the whistle on every day of the week , but never on Sunday.

A government source this morning told Little Darwin that arrangements are being made for the famous health expert, the Goddess Hygeia, to carry out a review of Health Department activities in the Northern Territory . Unfortunately , Dr Hygeia’s arrival has been delayed because she is busy treating people injured in riots over the lousy hospital and other community services in Greece. Staging the two week long Athens Olympics just about sent the country broke and the Olympic insignia is now regarded as the sign outside a pawn shop.