Thursday, February 12, 2009

TAG WRESTLING RUMINATIONS

In the event that Malcolm Turnbull steps down as Leader of the Federal Opposition in sheer frustration or due to MI5 dirty tricks ( remember the Spy Master case in which Malcolm shafted British spooks and the Iron Maiden ?) , who would step up to the plate? The suggestion that the Mad Monk – Tony Abbott – could be the leader of the Coalition was reportedly received with instant “ horse laughs ” from within the Libs.

Every mug punter, however, knows dark horses can come from behind and have a surprise win , especially when they are from the old Opus Dei stable in a state where there are many political religious zealots who have been known to inject nags with performance enhancing blessings at the ballot box.

All jokes aside, who could possibly lead the squabbling Coalition after the departure of Malcolm, its Liberal members still convinced that they are born to rule, most of the Nats overdue for the knackery ?

Vociferous Fatty Arbuckle , whose mock indignation rivals that of the Academy Award performances of a past actor , would be a disaster. So too would that ambitious chapee with the undescended testes . Silver- haired Minchin?-Nein. Iron Bar ?- More suited for A. G. Sims scrapmetal, certainly not as the leader of the pack. Any woman ?- Not on your nelly in the male chauvinist Libs club ; see how they scarified Kerry Chikarovski in NSW and what they are now doing , behind pantry doors, to Julie Bishop .

There are just no other leaders in sight except, in an annus horribilis like 2009 , Costello . It is suggested, in some Canberra spiked cafe latte circles, that he is about to emerge from his cramped shipping container of remainder books, like Superman from a phone box, to save the party from destructive asteroids , thicker than a plague of Bogong moths . To do so, would be a comeback like Lazarus with a triple bypass, a brain transplant and a cheesy grin cosmetic surgery insert.

With job opportunities for politicians in the financial world as rare as hen’s teeth and CEO’s still left standing reluctant to let in any new blood in case they get the boot themselves , it is opined that Costello has no future outside of parliament. One bizarre scenario is that Jeff Kennett will step down from Beyond Blue and Costello will become his replacement , a depressing thought if ever there was one.