Sunday, November 29, 2009

EXPENSIVE GODZONE SUNBURNT COUNTRY FAILS KNICKERBOCKER TEST

Considerable media attention - including an unladylike raspberry from Alderman Heather Sjoberg - has been given to the new walkway nearing completion in Smith Street to protect locals and residents as they wander from the wharf precinct to the CBD.
One of our roaming correspondents , with little better to do at the weekend, spent an hour observing the amount of shade produced by the structure between the hours of 1 and 2 pm. While sipping his 21st latte for the day ( wait till the NT News Coffee Squad hears about this! ) , he observed that no shade was produced by the structure between those hours that would protect anything larger than an ant.
Nevertheless , saving ants from being scorched could lead to an RSPCA award. But not if Aldermann Sjoberg is on the judging panel as she was reported as saying the walkway is " an abortion". Knickers also figured in her reported scathing comments.
While there was no monsoonal activity during the time our reporter observed the structure , a closer inspection showed that citizens and refugees from the south would have been soaked . In another year or two the government will have to fork out another million dollars or two to provide shelter from the sun and tropical downpours. One can only wonder why they didn’t do it properly in the first place.
Maybe its another case of the Mall which is about to undergo yet another upgrade. Darwinites have requested more shade for years . The pleas have largely fallen on deaf ears resulting in soaring sales of umbrellas, sun block and floppy hats . The incidence of sunstroke and lunacy also jumped to astonishing heights.
Little Darwin understands that because of the sun drenched CBD a reshoot of the great movie ,African Queen, will be filmed in the stream of blood, stale beer and nervous police horse urine flowing down Mitchell Street .