Wednesday, April 14, 2010

COALITION'S EMISSION CONTROL PLAN

CANBERRA : Bouncing up and down on a squeaky pogo stick, athletic Opposition Leader , Tony Abbott , today announced a brilliant scheme to eradicate CO2 emissions in Australia. He has arranged for a highly regarded British scientist to advise the Coalition on its secret emission control policy.

The genius, Professor Neddy Seagoon , claims to have the solution to global warming. Professor Seagoon miraculously converted London’s notorious peasouper fogs into clean air. Unfortunately, Jack the Ripper immediately lost his night job in Whitechapel as a result of the beautiful moonlit nights , but that is the cost of progress.

From his government sponsored laboratory in London , which has a wonderful view of many statues , including Lord Nelson’s column , Benjamin Disraeli , Eros, , Boadicea and Kylie Minogue, Neddy invents amazing chemical formulae to overcome many of the world’s pressing problems . Just last week he invented the Welsh leak and narrowly escaped being arrested for indecent exposure .