Sunday, September 25, 2011

STOP PRESS: MURDOCH DECLARES WAR ON BESTIAL CHASER BRIGADE

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Seeking revenge against the smartarse Chaser team, soon to launch the HAMSTER WHEEL on ABC TV , media magnate Rupert Murdoch has ordered production of a sexed up similar show on a commercial channel , at the same time, to confuse viewers ,split the ratings and crush the f/mockers.


Called HANNAH, THE HOT HAMSTER , it will be compered by a slinky, dancing hamster , seen above posing for publicity shots, with her favourite book-the Kamasutra - that she often curls up with in her luxury London burrow.( A plastic surgeon is soon to remove the rather large black beauty spot on her face which makes Hannah look as if suffering from the mange , a common hamster problem.) Before closure of News of the World , Hannah used to be a regular P3 pin-up girl in the world’s biggest selling paper, much admired by lonely Pommies, especially descendants of Jack-the-Ripper .


In an exclusive Little Darwin interview this morning with Rupert Murdoch in downtown New York, the mogul said he is furious about the way the Chaser used him in a promo for the irksome HAMSTER WHEEL. “My hamster will be bigger and better than their hamster,” he thundered.”I’ll teach those young pups to take the piss out of me .”


Sultry Hannah , he pointed out , had often been a star attraction as a pole dancer at a New York gentlemen's club frequented by high ranking amnesiacs from overseas. If Hannah revealed what went on in that nightspot ,Rupert hinted, domestic fur would fly in many prominent households. Meanwhile, Mrs Murdoch, also furious with the juvenile Chaser mob, has arranged for a squad of graduates from the Police Academy to bombard everybody who attends the launch of the HAMSTER WHEEL with rhubarb and custard pies.