MADDENING TROPPO CLEANERS - Continuing biog of Crusading Editor , " Big Jim " Bowditch .



Northern Territory News : Cleaners cavorted  within .  

AS IF  Bowditch did not have  enough to  worry about  what with  frequent  equipment  break  downs , poor  cash flow  and  primitive  working  conditions, he had  to  cope with a procession  of difficult    office  cleaners.  The most notorious  of these  was   without doubt  the  English remittance man, Donald  Charles Duncan .   Myopic , thirsty and  better class, he was also  known as  Dapper Donald  , a strange  title  considering  he was often  found  in a crumpled and dishevelled state  by the   constabulary.  Drunken  Duncan   was  another nickname.  He had a list of  prior convictions  for drunkenness  in  Australia going back to  the 30s in Western Australia.  When   Darwin Stipendiary Magistrate, Stuart  Dodds , asked  Duncan  why he  had  come to Australia , he said  his  father had called him in  and said the town already had a  village idiot , so he  had better  go  to the antipodes.

By Peter Simon

Duncan  got the  job at the News by  audacity.  He called on the editor  one day, looked  about  his  messy  office  and , in a pukka accent, said : " You need a cleaner , old chap . " Apart from being  the  cleaner   at  the News , Duncan also  took the morning  tea  and  luncheon orders and pedalled off  on  a bike,  pipe in  mouth , to  nearby  shops. Returning, he then  removed his glasses , placed the order  list,  on  a scrap of  paper , several   inches from  his  poppy eyes  and tried  to  work out who  got  what.

At times he lurched  into evening  parties  held  in the primitive sleeping quarters  at  the News  and , after imbibing  more  fluid  which   results in Dutch  courage, would  give a damsel a  continental  pinch on the  derrier.    This  habit of  pinching  ladies  resulted in  him being  locked in a wardrobe  one night.  Office staff  the next morning heard  odd noises  coming from  the wardrobe, cautiously  opened the door  and out slumped  a  very limp  Dapper Don.  Naturally, Donald  put the  bite on Jim for  money  from  time  to  time.  

 DUNCAN  INSPIRES  AUSTRALIAN YOUTH

Dapper Donald  was  an  ardent  and critical reader of the  News. He would  peruse each edition from cover to cover and pick  out  spelling errors  and  misuse of  grammar.  Then he would  march into  Bowditch and  tell him  he would have to do something to prevent  butchering  the   Queen’s  English. These lectures  from  the  head  of  the  cleaning   department  were  delivered late in  the day when the  editor was keen to get up the road  for a  drink , and often  resulted  in  Dapper  Donald  being  politely  told  to  bugger  off.

 

One of his  many court appearances  was  notable for the fact that  he  wore two left foot sandals. On one appearance the magistrate ,  shaking his head , asked  Duncan  what he should do with him. A seeming  bush lawyer , Duncan replied that  the  magistrate  had  never  given  him  a suspended sentence  and  it would be rather nice if he did so ; his  honour told Duncan he was becoming cheeky .

 

Duncan had been educated at one of England’s   great public schools and  came from  a  well to do  family . When the  writer  of this biography  went to  Portuguese  Timor for the News  aboard  the  MV Malita , which ran supplies to an American  oil drilling team,  Duncan got the urge  to do a similar trip.  He wondered  if  the  skipper  of  the  supply  boat  might  take  him on  as   cook.   Duncan was  told to  go  to  the wharf  and  speak  to  the  skipper,  Bert Cummins . Soon after, filled  above  the  Plimsoll  line ,  Duncan  made his way to the  wharf  at  night and  fell into the  harbour .  He pulled and kicked off  his clothes, floated  on his back and  called  for help.  All night he drifted  backwards and forwards with the tide.  Early  in the morning,  a young girl , on the wharf  with  her father who was  fishing,  happened  to look over the side and  spotted  Duncan floating by .  He croaked out a cry for help.  She  raised the alarm , and later said  she knew he was  not just  swimming   because  he did not have any  clothes on , except for a  sock .

Hauled out, Duncan  was  taken  to  hospital and  became the centre of  media  attention , having  survived  a  night drifting about “ crocodile and shark  infested ”   waters . He was  photographed  sitting up in  bed  with  his  pipe, the   girl  who had   spotted him  drifting by like  a   newborn baby , smiling at  him  , and  he was  quoted as saying he survived the ordeal because  he had been taught at school that when ever you got  into a  difficult situation  you should  relax and not panic. The story  got nationwide coverage and  an Adelaide paper  ran an editorial  saying Mr Duncan was an   inspiration to the youth of the country  with his advice that you  should not panic in a difficult situation. Thus one  of Darwin’s  most prominent drunks was held up as  a shining  example to the  nation’s youth .  Duncan had that editorial mounted  and  pointed at it with  pride , laughing in his distinctive  fashion  as  he did so .

He was delighted when  a gold cigarette case and  lighter were sent to him from his  family in England.  Proudly, he showed  them  about  at   the News and that night went to the  Workers’ Club,  got  drunk, was arrested and  when he sobered up  found the items were  missing.  For several years  Dapper Donald had a room in a boarding house  run  by  Mrs Julie Papandonakis  who felt sorry   for him , even though he used to  help himself to her salami  and  cheese  kept in  a downstairs  frig.

A vivacious woman with a well - built  husband  ,  Tony  ,  who  was  in the excavation business, Mrs Papandonakis had a long association  with  Bowditch  and the NT News.  A  number of  News  staff  boarded  at her residence including this  writer.   When she  yelled ,"Righto, you boys!" , you knew that  you were in trouble with the landlady .

 

She  gave Bowditch  a tongue lashing  over  an item he wrote in the  News. In the early days , when she and her husband were battling , Tony had a compressor  but   could not afford  a  truck  to tow it to job sites, relying on  a friend to do so.  At times , he and a  workmate  would  carry  jack  hammers  and  other equipment which could be stolen if left overnight  on  an  excavation site .  One  morning , Bowditch saw  them trudging along with  the equipment and  wrote a paragraph   for True North which went something like this: No wonder  the Greeks  have so much money, they  are so mean  they  carry  their jackhammers  to a job rather than  use a truck .  On reading this, Julie  flew into a rage , drove to the News and " got stuck  into " Bowditch.  When she explained the reason for her  rage , he apologised.  What had upset her most  was that her  husband was  described as Greek  when  he  had  only recently become naturalised and  was proud to be Australian.

 

During the time  Dapper Donald  resided at her place , Bowditch would regularly ring up and ask  if the missing  cleaner  was  there . Invariably, she replied that he was  sleeping it  off  after a bender  .  Her mother  often said to get rid of "that drunk",  and despite   reading the riot act to  Duncan  from time to time  about his drinking,   she  could  not bring herself to  throw him out on the street. Duncan  repeatedly   told  staff at the News that  Julie was a "good sport" and  he always knew his  room at her establishment  was waiting for  him when he got out of  Fannie Bay  Jail  after a  short  spell. 
 

NAKED  IRISHMAN ,  STINGRAY   AND    BASHER   TED

 

When  Duncan was  drying out  in Fannie Bay  his place at the News oft  was filled  by another  thirsty cleaner.   He was a tall Irishman   who  got about in thongs , his shirt  unbuttoned , a wild look in  his  eyes .  Police  picked  him up one night sitting naked on the footpath  outside the Catholic girls’ hostel , his clothes  folded neatly  beside him .  When asked  what he was  doing there , he told the  police  he  liked fresh  air.  He  and  his  clothing  were  bundled  into  the  paddy wagon . 

 

For a short time there was  an ex-naval man,  with bloodshot eyes , who   joined the list  of  News  cleaners.  His  peculiarity was  using  the  pot  in which metal slugs  from  the linotype machines were melted down  to  cook  his  meals.  Staff  would  arrive at work to find  a piece of  tin  across  the  pot upon which  were remnants of  sausage . Apart from  having  an unusual frying pan  and  imbibing heavily , he also  liked  gambling ; he was  fired after it was discovered he  had been using  the NT  News phone  early on  Saturday mornings  to ring  up  all over Australia to get the  latest good  oil  on  nags. It was suggested  he  eventually died  from  lead  poisoning   caused  by  cooking  his  snags on  the  News  metal  melting  pot .

 

At long last , it looked as if the  News  had a  sober, reliable cleaner-Ted  Maloney-who took up residence  on the premises  in a room at the  back of  the paper, along with  his   cockatoo  and  two   dogs.  Drinking , he  said , was for  fools , and admitted he had once been a  heavy drinker , but had seen the light  and given it up  years  previously .  Coming across members of the staff  drinking on the premises at night , a frequent occurrence ,  he would shake his  head  and  scornfully  tell  them what fools they were .

Maloney, who boasted that he  was   Red Ted Maloney, a notorious  Melbourne knuckle man ,  had a  fish  trap  in the  shape  of  a V-shaped fence  meeting  in  a  box where  the  fish were trapped.  The catch had to  be  emptied  at  low tide  and  he was spiked in  the  hand  by  the  barb  in  a stingray’s tail.   The pain from such stings is said to be  excruciating , and  for a long time after  the victim  supposedly  feels  agonising   pain  with  each  tidal change.

Poor Red Ted  once  more turned to grog  to  try and ease the  pain.  In the grip of booze , he would ring  Bowditch at home  and threaten to bash him . During these calls , often  late  at night or  early  in  the morning, he would remind Bowditch that  he was the  notorious  Melbourne  pug.  Jim  just laughed  off  the threats  and  on arrival at  work would find  Ted  snoring ,   his  pets  nearby,  the  cleaner unable to  carry out  out  his  threat  to  do violence  upon  the  person  of  the  editor .

However ,  Bowditch was   himself  suffering  from  a hangover when he took an early morning  call  from  Red Ted  once  more threatening to bash him  when he  arrived  at  the office.  Bowditch  responded   by   saying he  was coming  to the office  straight away .  Bowditch  sped  to  the office , strode into Ted’s  room  and  said in view of the fact that the cleaner  often  boasted to be a mean  fighter, let’s see just how good you  are.  The cleaner broke down and admitted he was  not the said  Red Ted ,  merely  a relative.  Maloney departed  soon after  and  set up a  rough  camp   near the  back of  the racecourse .  He  died  following a  fall from  a  cliff …  Bowditch  paid  for his  burial .

 ATTEMPT   TO   CREMATE  DAPPER  DONALD   

 

Once  more , Dapper Donald  found himself  gainfully  employed as cleaner  and protector  of  the Queen’s  English at the News ... "It’s not  good enough, old chap ".  He also remonstrated with stone hands in  the factory who threw paper galley proofs  and other litter  on the floor.  They  responded by  telling  Dapper Don in no uncertain terms  that they  were making work for him  and to pull his head in or stick  it somewhere else .  

 

Taking himself  on  a  holiday  by  ship  to  Perth,  Dapper Don  was killed when a  car driven by  a friendly  lady  on  a scenic tour  ran off  the road  at  a  port  of  call  on  his way  back to Darwin .  Bowditch  was contacted  in the capacity almost as  next of  kin  and  asked  for  burial instructions.   West  Australian  police were  shocked when  Bowditch asked  if   Dapper Don   could  be cremated in  the bush and  his  ashes  sent  to Darwin  for  forwarding to  his relatives, contacted by Jim  in  England .

 

The possibility of  placing  the  body in a box  marked natural  history specimen  and  flying it to Perth for cremation was  also   canvassed.   Dapper Don , however, was  eventually buried in WA.   Bowditch understood  that a memorial  plaque  to Donald  was  placed  in  his family’s church .  Police came and took away all  of   Duncan’s meagre  possessions  from  his room at the Papadonakis  boarding house .  Bowditch  told  Julie  that  Duncan’s relatives  would  probably  send  her  something  as a reward for having been so  good to him , but  nothing eventuated. NEXT: The  naughty vicar  flashes  his  crown jewels !