TOKYO : Honourable Trade and Junk Food Investment Minister ,
Andrew Robb - san , above , today
announced that Japan has agreed to take large shipments of obese Australians to be used
as disposable training fodder in sumo wrestling
boot camps . With the help of cattle prods , the first
shipment of fats
will be loaded aboard a converted
bumboat next week and leave
Townsville , North Queensland , for the
lucrative new Japanese
market . Minister
Robb said the shipment will consist of pot-bellied
cattlemen , waddling
local government members
, rotund pollies , jowly journalists and assorted other overweight mugwumps.
In Japan , the Australians will become
slap - happy grunt partners
for Nippon's champion sumo wrestlers . The average
sumo wrestler squashes
20 training opponents
a day. As the
Japanese demand for
Aussie Michelin Men increases, Robb
pointed out , the baby boomer
population would be greatly
reduced, the health bill would decrease
by billions of yen and
pensioners would receive a free bottle of saki from the little trimmers in the federal government each Leap Year... another you beaut win-win situation. The minister said he
could even see a
market opening up in Japan
for
a similar junior league sumo wrestling scheme
involving tubby
Aussie schoolkids hooked on
junk food and softdrinks which glow in the dark . This would be promoted
under the sporting title ,
Little Whopper Nippers.
