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Exclusive first photograph of striped Tasmanian Tiger looking a bit crook about the gills after wolfing down a feral PUP.
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CANBERRA : The world is rejoicing at the stunning news that a pair of extinct Tasmanian Tigers has been found alive and howling in the Senate . A male and a female, it is hoped the critters will breed like rabbits and provide Tasmania with a much needed economic miracle which will boost the sale of subsidised Cadbury chocolates and two-headed teddy bears . Called Jacqui and Eric , the two critters snarl affectionately at each other as they stake out their territory in the Upper House . As he stands on his mound in the Senate , Eric looks more like a balding Sabre Tooth Tiger as he snarls at unions and unionists . More comely than Eric , Jacqui appears to have come out of moult and her new fur coat stands out alluringly in the Tarkine honeymoon belt. An ecstatic Canberra wildlife ranger told Little Darwin he had heard Jacqui repeat the word “ sack ” but he does not know if this means she wants to get Eric in the sack for a blessed event or he and Alan Jones should be put in a hessian bag and thrown into Lake Burley Griffin. In Kew Gardens , London , Sir David Attenborough said he will apply deep heat to his joints and fly to Canberra to make another special TV series on the animals of the unique Australian political jungle.
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Jacqui Lambie's military and hunting skills could see Eric shot with a blunderbuss , skinned , his spotty hide turned into a fake Davy Crockett hat , sold to an unsuspecting Marine during war games in the Northern Territory .
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