After saving
thousands of Australian birds over several decades , a German
wildlife carer , only identified as the Queen of the Jungle
, had to go into hospital in Townsville for a much needed operation on her
knee and a large dose of royal jelly . As part of her
recovery, which will involve physiotherapy, she was informed that
her king- sized waterbed
would have to
be replaced with one that would be more conducive to throwing her leg out of
bed when she comes home .
With the Queen in hospital , three of her
serfs ,one of them mechanically minded
and well equipped with power tools, who could easily build a castle drawbridge if given a royal command , gathered at
the royal residence . The main task, of course, was
to drain
the water out of the Australian built bladder , the contents having fomented like an amoeba
for three decades. The mechanically
minded one , Ron, came armed with
a long length of flexible hose which was
to be attached to the waterbed plug, the water then ,in theory, would run
freely out through the louvres from whence the flyscreen had been removed .
Problem . Not only was the plug on top hard to
unscrew , the hose was obviously much bigger than it should be and could not be inserted inside .
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Unable to tug his forelock due to lack of hair on top, but plenty below, noted Asian bamboo flute player , Mike , whose quick thinking helped prevent a biblical flood in North Queensland .
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Another humble
bedchamber attendant , Mike , bent
down to read the tiny printed
instructions at the foot of the bed and felt a painful twinge in
a knee on which he had had a cartilage operation. The stiff plug was
removed , but it was soon realised that the bed had been overfilled, contrary to instructions
, and the contents started to well up and run
onto the floor. The rotten plug would not fit back in to stop the flow . Towels were grabbed . Cyclop’s eye watering, he dashed outside and got a length of wire which was
inserted down the plug hole and hooked under the bladder top and lifted, causing the flow to cease. Phew !!! He felt like a certain famous little Dutch boy
who prevented a disaster.
With
at least two Syd Harbs
content of water , the Queen’s
bedroom could have been turned into a White Pointer shark tank . Ron had
sprinted away and came
back with an ordinary hose to
poke inside. A man of extreme bravery ,he then sucked
on the end of the hose to get the
water running . However
, Cyclops was still standing there
pulling on the wire hook, as the water insisted on running out again
through the bung hole if the wire was lowered . More intelligent
than he , Mike said he had a bright
idea, dashed away and came back with a
length of bamboo , which was run from a nearby
windowsill to the bed frame and the piece of wire wrapped
about it to take the strain off Cyclops , standing there like a hunched Atlas .
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| Bamboo support, jockstraps later. |
There was
a good flow of water but it was obvious that it
would take many hours to drain the contents.
The bed was left
for the tide
to go out and
the three departed . Some hours later , it was still running but the waterbed had not deflated by much .
Cyclops went
back an hour or so later
to check and was greeted
with a dramatic scene like the stranding of a minke whale. Somehow ,in a herculean effort, Ron, on his own, had
rolled the waterbed back from the
head down into a mountain of brown blubber
near the foot
of the frame,which refused to budge . He was
grunting and groaning , his face blood-red . Joining in the wrestle
, Cyclops muttered rude remarks about royalty in general, the Germanic brand in particular , said he
could feel a double hernia coming on ,
and told Ron, who recently nearly died in hospital, to take things
easy . The monstrous , heavy
bladder was man-handled
out of the wooden frame , dragged out
of the bedchamber across the floor
to the back door and pushed outside, still weighing a ton , still
spewing water .
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Ron triumphant over bladder ,
declared Lord Chamberlain.
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The following day, Cyclops and Mike returned and the
crumpled bladder was still
discharging a slow stream . Ron had gone into Townsville with his bicycle to participate in an annual cyclone education event . After all the heaving of the waterbed the day before , it was a wonder that he could sit on the bicycle's seat without feeling a twinge of pain in the nether region.
Pulled about
to increase flow , the unwieldy waterbed still seemed inexplicably
heavy . As mentioned , Mike is more intelligent and logical –lets face it , anybody
who keeps several lengths of bamboo handy for assorted
emergencies has to
be a lateral thinker, or a Greenie. Why wasn’t the water flowing out
faster, he asked, and bravely thrust
an exploratory digit in the bung hole .
There seemed to be some cloth blocking the outflow , was his verdict
. Cyclops , a bit wary about
sticking his finger into apertures , especially in death adder
territory , inserted an index . And yes
, there was a large white
apparent blockage . Searching through the Queen’s cutlery , a sharp knife -Wilkinson Sword - was found and plunged into the very heart of the man- killing waterbed bladder. The subsequent autopsy revealed two large, white baffles, designed to prevent water from pounding against the sides of the waterbed, all laden with water.
Yanked
out by hand , they were
heavy , and left to drain and dry out in
the sun . Then the new mattress was inserted; in the process , Cyclops scraped his hand on the frame and claret that ran out , due to blood thinning medication, narrowly missed spilling onto the white cover . The bed was made up with the help of a chamber maid , ready for the return of her majesty
.
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| Basket squatter. |
While the final touches were being made to the boudoir , one of Queen’s bird friends , a Blue-winged Kookaburra, flew into the verandah and squatted on a basket of washing which had been done for the shuffling monarch . It posed for photographs and refused to budge , even when the basket was tipped . Eventually it took flight.
Each day we post a hospital bulletin with information about the Queen’s condition for the 40 or more Curlews who gather at her gate along with vast numbers of Lorikeets, bands of Cockatoos , assorted Plovers ,Crows, Galahs, Friar Birds . Loyal Curlews are shown below waiting for the latest bulletin .
Another serf , Stuart , was given the great honour and immense responsibility to feed the birds , morning and afternoon , during the Queen's incapacitation and will undoubtedly be made an Earl, Duke or Keeper of the Royal Swans on her return. Often he is seen drinking coffee near a liquor shop and says he would not mind being made Keeper of the Cinque Ports (wink, wink ).
FOOTNOTE : The large white baffles were placed near wheelie bins to be taken to the dump. A woman out walking her dog, Bruce , spotted the baffles and asked if she could have them as she works in antique glass, presumably leadlights , and the material would be ideal for wrapping. Ron delivered them in his ute .
