Wednesday, April 20, 2016

COALITION DECLARES VICIOUS WAR ON HARMLESS FAIRIES AND WHOLESOME FAIRY TALES


Not only is  it  bad manners to  point, seven  cute  fairies  die  as  well  each  time a digit  is  used  as  a  weapon  in rowdy parliamentary  debates.

CANBERRA :  Badly decimated  during the toxic finger pointing  Abbott government , there are distressing signs  that  surviving  local  fairies  are  fleeing   to  the tropics  to take refuge in  rainforests ahead  of  the  looming  deadly  double dissolution  election .
 
Unfortunately , up north, in the obesity belt ,  fairy folk are regarded as  vermin  and  tree hugging  Greenies . In addition , widespread  clear felling of trees is taking place in Queensland , aided and abetted by the LNP ,   so the scared ,  exhausted fairies   face  a  Sahara Desert like landscape when they flutter in , resulting  in  further deaths.    
Typical  North  Queensland  armchair  cowboy   shooing   fleeing , exhausted  fairies  away, telling them  to  bugger  off  back  down   south, or  be mowed  down  .
 Still  traumatised  by  the  Abbott   years, the  Fairy Godmother  told our political roundsman  and  fairy fan , Argus Tuft,  that  the  surviving  wee people   are  fleeing  the  capital  to  avoid  being  killed  by   angry   finger pointing  politicians .

 She said seven  harmless fairies  hit the deck when PM Malcolm Turnbull , seen here , pointed his very well  manicured fickle  finger of  fate at  the Leader of  the Opposition, Bill Shorten , and strongly   declared  the  ALP's  plans  for  the nation  amounted  to  Grimm's Fairy Tales .

Furthermore, the PM  warned  kiddies  the ALP's puppet master,  the CFMEU, has  evil plans  to  confiscate all  children's  teddy bears  and  use them to  fire  up barbecues  on  union  picnic days and May Day marches  across the  country.
 
Another serial   finger pointer , who scares the  bloomers off  the Fairy Godmother, is Treasurer  Scott Morrison  whose   digits, according to her,  are  increasingly  wielded  like a  Gatling  gun , causing  poor fairies  to  drop like bad  dandruff   in  the  House  of  Representatives .
Treasurer  Morrison  attacking  ALP "fairy tales " with  a 60 ton  siege  gun which was installed   at  Fort Largs to  repel  any  Russian  invasion  of  Adelaide .  

Wounded   fairies  are  dragged out  of  parliament by a team  of Panda Bears   to  the  High Court   fountain  and  bathed  in   Sir  Garfield Barwick's  healing recycled  waters.
 
 
Another  quick on the draw  Coalition  member  is  Christopher  "The Fixer "Pyne , seen here  brandishing his still  smoking .45  calibre digit , who has shot up  many  Australian  fairies .

The Fairy Godmother  said she expected greater respect for fairies  from Pyne seeing as  he comes from Adelaide, the  City  of  Churches, but he had become one of the  government's worst  gunslingers, with many notches on  his  old school  tie .

However, she said  Minister  Pyne  would need a  Dirty Harry Special to stop the  Greek Ned Kelly , Nick Xenophon , in  South Australia  because   the absolutely horrid  Abbott-Turnbull-Ned Nasty  Government  is  on  the  nose there. 
 
Terribly sad  exclusive  photograph , supplied by weeping Fairy Godmother, of  mortally wounded   fairy  plummeting   headfirst to the ground in the PM's courtyard   at  parliament  house  after  being  fingered  by  a cigar smoking  Tory  member .