Friday, August 25, 2017

STRANGE JOYCE TALES FROM ACROSS THE TASMAN

WELLINGTON :    A  surprising  number  of  people  claiming to be long lost relatives of  the   Kiwi    Deputy  Prime Minister of  Australia ,  Barnaby  Joyce,  have   contacted  New  Zealand   newspapers  .  They and  others  are prepared to  supply  exclusive   information  and   anecdotes for   a   fee, deposited   in  a   Bank  of   Nigeria  account.
 
One of  the most  intriguing   stories  to come to light  is   about a person  only known  in records  as    J. Joyce  head  gardener   for   a  member of  the  landed  gentry in  the South Island , Sir  Heaton Rhodes  ,   on  the Elmwood   estate  at Otahuna  , near Christchurch .  It  became one of  the most famous  private  gardens in  the Dominion ,  with  vast  areas  of  daffodils , more  than   excited  the  poet  William    Wordsworth

 Gardener  Joyce  was mainly responsible for   planting   the   daffodil   bulbs and  as a result  was   supposedly  nicknamed  both  “ Daffy” Joyce  and  “Bulby” Joyce. It is suggested that  Barnaby may have been so named  after  old "Bulby"...the  Kiwi  accent  responsible  for  the  error .
 
 Heaton  was a  member of a  prominent   family which at  one stage   dabbled in  alpacas   which  were  found  to  have antisocial habits-kicking ,  spitting.  Readers of   this  blog   know that   Barnaby  is   also  wary when  dealing  with   alpacas .
      
Not  only did   Heaton serve  in the Boer  War , he  turned to politics, held  several ministerial  portfolios  : Postmaster General , Railways, State Forest , Public   Health , Tourist  Department , Defence ; even Deputy Leader  ... Nearly as many  jobs  as  Barnaby  Joyce . It is interesting to note  that  Sir   Heaton   had a   massive , rare stamp collection  and   swapped  part of   it   for  a   red  poll  bull .   
 
Another dubious would  be informant  ,    Keith Holyoake  , above,  has   been  convicted  numerous  times   for  making   Hokianga Hooch - moonshine -   from   illegal  stills  out  in  the  hills where  members of the All Blacks run about with   bags of cement  on their shoulders .  Holyoake,  who  claims he is related to  a  former  NZ PM  “Kiwi Keith” Holyoake  ,  insists   the   Joyces   bred   like  rabbits and possums  when  they moved  to  New  Zealand  from  the  Old Dart in the l9th century  and   muscled  in  on  his  great-grandfather’s  market   for   rotgut .
 
“There was a lot of a feudin’ and a fussin’ between the Joyces  and the  Holyoakes, '' he  claimed . It  only ended when  the   pioneers   drew   straws ,from behind their ears, to  end  the   war - the  Joyces   got  the  South Island , Bondi  and  New England ,  the  Holyoakes , the  North  Island, Wagga Wagga   and   the   Gold  Coast .