Queen Victoria has been so thoroughly amused by all the nautiness going on in the Queensland lubritorium that her Scottish attendant, Mr Brown , has had to loosen her whalebone corsets.
First off , Victoria Regina began to giggle when she heard that the owner of a Townsville sex shop, cutely named Cupid's Cabin , is standing for Pauline Hanson's One Nation (PHON) . Her Majesty joked that Abe Lincoln probably had been brought up in a cabin with a similar name, Donald Trump almost certainly, which caused all those within earshot to guffaw , some old duchesses to break wind as well .
A titter ran throughout the palace as her remarks were relayed by court lackeys. Queen Vic said Pauline Hanson obviously has sinus trouble , going on her nasally voice, and suggested she see the Mad Doctor of Harley Street, who might donate money in a brown paper sick bag to PHON as he is troppo and supports weird causes.
The Queen is intrigued by Ms. Hanson's so called backbone , the little Pommie chimney sweep , Malcolm Roberts, who is running about the electorate of Ipswich promising to build a coal fired powered station somewhere in the Sunshine State, but he is not sure where . The Queen said when Roberts fails to be elected she will order him to come back to the Old Dart and make him one of her court jesters, or get him to shovel up the droppings from the Mall each morning .
Announcement of the Queensland election caught Ms. Hanson with her jodhpurs down in India . Unconfirmed reports said she was undergoing a crash course in Bollywood dancing at Agra when the news broke and she had to hire a passing elephant owned by a hashish mad uber driver to dash to the airport. The ancient city of Agra is well known by many of the doddering males who vote for PHON , as revealed by this advertisement .
On arrival back in Orstralia with an Adani sample bag , Hanson hired a Battler Bus , popped a bottle of bubbly for the media rat pack , jumped in ... and the vehicle broke down . The magic hands of Mr Brown had to be engaged once more in Buck Palace to ease the strain on the Queen's ribcage when she read the breakfast news bulletin from the colonies and laughed hysterically , nearly choking on a seaweed sandwich.
The royal physician had to be called when the Queen fainted on being informed that the Queensland PHON leader , Steve Dickson, who took French leave from the Liberal National Party, had warned that female masturbation was being taught in Bananaland schools . Dicko subsequently announced he got the wrong end of the message stick on this delicate subject and apologised . Nevertheless, her normally most serene highness , on regaining consciousness , shouted instructions for Dickson to be hauled off to the dreaded Tower of London should he ever dare put a foot on Pommie soil .
Recovering , still sniffing smelling salts , the Queen again turned green when she was told that National Party vassals are furious as the Turnbull Government massaged Ms. Hanson in a secret backroom and agreed to let her make statements about proposed government expenditure in the bush . In addition, they supported the obsessive Hansonites to put the boot into Aunty ABC .
NEXT : PHON/LNP promise good vibrations all round , with free solar powered batteries, a casino on every Queensland island , buckets of Adani coal to keep the home fires burning during heatwaves and droughts.
