Friday, December 29, 2017

AUSTRALIAN TURDS BE WARNED

The second ripping yarn in our (Inter)National  Lampoon Christmas / Chinese  New
Year Holiday Vacation  special

Ignoring  the threat  of a major   Mount  Agung  eruption   , one of our intrepid  correspondents flew  to   Bali   for  the  Christmas -New  Year festivities  and blew his mind  reading  the quirky   and unusual   stories  in  local  publications- the  Kuta, Denpasar and Sanur weeklies and the Bali Advertiser- produced   for visiting  tourists  and   expatriate members of  the  community. Here  is just one  offbeat  report which caught his eye .  
 
 TURDS : The heading on this  item was  just that-TURDS . This is the collective   name  given  to  groups  of  people  who  go into   eateries and gradually sneak out  , one by one, without paying  the  bill . Amused by  this  report, our  man  asked  locals   for   further details.
 
He was regailed by a  slight Balinese  woman with an amazing  account of a notorious Turd , a huge , muscular European , a Belgian ?, who paid the ultimate price for not paying for his  food...his life. Seems he participated  in those barbaric ultimate UFC  fight nights , provided  as  entertainment  at  Kuta ,  where anything  goes .  He  brazenly  ate  up big  in restaurants  and walked out  without  paying , nobody challenging   the  hulk.
 
Complaints, however,  were made to police, and they eventually called  at  his residence . Out  he  came - roaring , wielding  a   knife  , saying  they  would  have to kill  him .  Our  man was  given  a  graphic verbal  description, with violent  associated  hand stabbing  gestures,  telling  how the man  slashed  at a police  officer and was shot dead , the dramatic event  filmed , which went  viral.  So  eat , joy and  be merry in Bali, but make sure  you  pay  the  bill .