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| Libs bring back the biff |
CANBERRA: In a surprise move that will stun the punch drunk nation, our cauliflower-eared Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has taken the long count and announced his departure from the political ring.
In doing so , he named his replacement , Auntie Jack, pictured , who will be given the incredibly tough task of knocking the shambolic Coalition into some kind of shape before the Chinese New Year.
In doing so , he named his replacement , Auntie Jack, pictured , who will be given the incredibly tough task of knocking the shambolic Coalition into some kind of shape before the Chinese New Year.
In an exclusive interview with Little Darwin , Auntie Jack first loosened her whalebone corsets, then took us for a wild ride on her Harley. The pugnacious damsel said that after Malcolm Turnbull did the astonishing backflip on the bank royal commission, he decided that politics is not for him.
Instead, he intends to compete in a new event, the Cayman Island high dive with tuck away , at the Commonwealth Games on the Gold Coast , confident that he will take out gold and be acclaimed by the sports drugged nation . He has borrowed a pair of pre-loved budgie smugglers from tag team wrestler Tony Abbott and will go into solid training in a low dive after Boxing Day .
After first ripping the bloody arms off all those National Party misfits and and goose stepping Liberals , Auntie Jack said she will call on old boyfriends in the Painters and Dockers who owe her a favour to deal with the deputy premier of NSW for saying nasty things about Malcolm on the eve of Christmas .
Then she will shape the next election's campaign which will have the sure winning slogan : Don't Talk Back To Auntie Jack. Finally, Auntie Jack said there is no truth in the rumour that she and Employment Minister Senator Michaelia Cash who, like Sergeant Shultz, knew absolutely nothing about tipping off the media re the AFP raid on AWU offices, are identical twin sisters . "She throws a lot of verbal punches and karate chops in the Senate and elsewhere ," said Ms Jack . "But that is the only slight link between us... as far as I know ."
Instead, he intends to compete in a new event, the Cayman Island high dive with tuck away , at the Commonwealth Games on the Gold Coast , confident that he will take out gold and be acclaimed by the sports drugged nation . He has borrowed a pair of pre-loved budgie smugglers from tag team wrestler Tony Abbott and will go into solid training in a low dive after Boxing Day .
After first ripping the bloody arms off all those National Party misfits and and goose stepping Liberals , Auntie Jack said she will call on old boyfriends in the Painters and Dockers who owe her a favour to deal with the deputy premier of NSW for saying nasty things about Malcolm on the eve of Christmas .
Then she will shape the next election's campaign which will have the sure winning slogan : Don't Talk Back To Auntie Jack. Finally, Auntie Jack said there is no truth in the rumour that she and Employment Minister Senator Michaelia Cash who, like Sergeant Shultz, knew absolutely nothing about tipping off the media re the AFP raid on AWU offices, are identical twin sisters . "She throws a lot of verbal punches and karate chops in the Senate and elsewhere ," said Ms Jack . "But that is the only slight link between us... as far as I know ."
